Self-compassion & Compassion Leadership

Philosophy of compassionate leadership

Leaders should be responsible for the guidance, team building, and results. Leaders should create a culture of guidance that will keep everyone moving in the right direction. In addition, they need to figure out the right people for the right roles. Moreover, they need to drive results collaboratively (Scott,2017).

To help developing trust, radical candor should be used. This covers two dimensions: care personally, and challenge directly. Leaders should care every employee as human beings and give them compassion. On the other hand, they need to point out things that are not going well and fix the mistakes.

Compassionate leaders should also understand how employees’ job fits in to their life goals. Leaders should help employees conduct their careers in the way they desire, not in the way the leaders think they should want to. In other words, leaders should have a good growth management. For example, there are superstars, who need to be challenged and given new opportunities to grow constantly. However, there are also rock stars, who love their work but do not want the next job if it will take them away from their craft. Both of them are good performers, and both worth recognition, although their growth paths should be designed differently (Scott,2017).

Moreover, leaders should value more on the meaning and purpose of employees’ work. Especially in workplace 3.0 (Age of Choice), where employees have the rights to select their jobs, a great job will be defined more by how it feels than how it pays. Effective leaders should be available, sensitive and responsive to employees’ needs; provide advice, guidance and resources to group members; develop their autonomy, initiative, and creativity; build their sense of self-worth, competence and mastery; support their desire to take on new challenges and acquire new skills; and affirm their ability to deal.

What does self-compassion and compassion for others mean in the context of work?

When qualities of kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness are applied towards the suffering of others, they manifest as compassion. When they are applied to our own suffering, they manifest as self-compassion. Simply by relating to our experience with both compassion and appreciation, people could embrace both the joy and the sorrow of being human, have the capacity for resilience, growth, and happiness, and transform our lives.

Self-compassion means self-kindness, recognition of common humanity, and mindfulness. We should treat ourselves with self-kindness rather than harsh criteria and judgement. This means we should be gentle and understanding with ourselves. In addition, we need to recognize our common humanity, feeling connected with others in the experience of life rather than feeling isolated and alienated by our suffering. Moreover, we should hold our experience in balanced awareness, rather than ignoring our pain or exaggerating it.

Self-compassion is very important in organizations.

People who lacked self-compassion were more likely to feel sad, embarrassed, or nervous. Those feelings may impede their initiative, creativity, and productivity at work. In addition, those who suffer from self-judgement are more likely to blame others for their moral failures. Moreover, without self-compassion, we may easily construct a “downward social comparison”, a tendency to see “others” in a negative light so that “we” can feel superior by contrast. In organizations, this bias could largely harm cooperation and relationships between different teams or departments. In contrast, being mindful could help us notice what is happening without falling into the trap of thinking that is defined by this anger, fear or pain.

Suffering equals pain times persistence. The more we resist of the fact of what is happening right now, the more we suffer. Bringing mindfulness to the fact that we are in pain and realizing imperfection is part of the shared human condition are the best way out. Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional

Self-compassion is the basis of compassions to others. Without steady supply of compassion available to ourselves, we would not have adequate resources to share with others.

Compassion competence of an organization depends on emergent pattern of collective noticing, interpreting, feeling, and acting in an effective and customized fashion in order to alleviate suffering. Noticing the suffering is present in an organization; making meaning of suffering in a way that contributes to a desire to alleviate it; feeling empathic concern for the people suffering; and taking action to alleviate suffering in some manners.

A good compassion competence at work should meet four criteria. First, compassionate actions should be immediate and should be sustained overtime if needed. In addition, both the scope and magnitude of resources for compassion should be sufficient. Last, the resources for compassion competence should be customized.

My opportunities for growth in cultivating self-compassion and compassion for “difficult” others?

Before I studied this course, I thought I have already treated myself well. However, I gradually find that it is not true. I usually blame myself and motivate myself by fear and self-judgment. Moreover, I may be trapped by some bad feelings rather have a peaceful awareness or mindfulness that would contain all the feelings. For me, the first opportunity for growth in cultivating self-compassion is to accept myself as a imperfect person and be mindful to what I am suffering.

After reading Self-Compassion, I found that I am a typical narcissist. On the one hand, I may have flattered, unrealistic conceptions of my own attractiveness, competence, and intelligence and feel entitled to special treatment. On the other hand, when confronted bad review, I may responds with feelings of rage and defiance. Probably, my flattered self-image is just a cover for insecurity (Neff,2011).

I gradually feel that being a narcissist is highly harmful. It is difficult for me to take suggestions from others and it is hard for me to develop good relationships with others. What is more, I may feel frustrated, embarrassed, and angry when I fail to meet my expectations.

Therefore, one of my opportunities for growth in cultivating self-compassion is to turn from narcissism to self-appreciation. I should direct qualities of kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness toward my positive qualities. In the future, I will learn to accept and appreciate myself not because I am better than others, but because all people have goodness.

For compassion to others, according to “personal compassion blueprint”, my strengths are to notice suffering and to feel empathy and concern, while my weakness is to generously interpret suffering and act to alleviate suffering. In other words, it is natural for me to notice suffering but I may not think everyone worthy compassion. Moreover, although I could easily take the perspective of the person who is suffering, I may not offer helps. Therefore, I think should strengthen my own capacity in interpreting and acting while awaken greater compassion in noticing and feeling in the future. I will explore my plan in a following question.

When treating difficult people, sometimes, I think they deserve their sufferings. Now, I feel shame to think in this way. In the future, I should acknowledge that they are just human beings, and their bad manners may due to some painful life experience. Everyone deserves care and compassion. Moreover, I should have discriminating wisdom. I should recognizes when things are harmful or unjust, but also recognizes the causes and conditions that lead to situations of injustice in the first place. When wrongdoers are treated with compassion rather than harsh condemnation, cycles of conflict and suffering can be broken.

How to use the research on the human brain and its need for safe, secure social connections to integrate compassionate leadership principles into an organization?

As herd animals, humans are hardwired to connect with others, and our brains need safe and secure connections to truly thrive. When those connections are severed, we can feel emotionally isolated and our bodies suffer. In contrast, when we have trusted relationships, our brains are more efficient and mental capacity increases, enabling people to be more creative, innovative, and the productive in workplace. Therefore, leaders should focus more on the felt experience, and align the conditions the brain seeks with the daily experience of my team members (Rheem,2017).

To fulfill human brain’s needs for safe, secure social connections, leaders should address two questions that are asked by our limbic system, the emotional processing supercomputer in human brains – “what is next?”, and “how am I doing”. The former question is about whether the workplace is safe for employees, and the latter focuses on how employees perceive their social resources.

To establish a safe environment, leaders should concern about the clarity, predictability, consistency, and fairness. The mission and direction should be clear enough and the procedure should be fair and justifiable. In other words, employees should know what is going on and what their direction is.

To provide employees with good social resources, leaders should validate, recognize employees, and give them constructive feedback, acting like a coach. Leaders should unconditionally validate an employee’s intrinsic value as a human being, and conditionally recognize the employees’ performance, behavior, and attitude, praising their strengths and pointing out their opportunities. In addition, a confidential one-to-one feedback meeting should be organized to tell employees how their performance is viewed and what could be improved.

Leaders should also establish the conditions that encourage employees to be accountable, and value aspirations. Meanwhile, due to the brains’ hyper-vigilance to negativity and threat, leaders could employ a positive leadership. That is, leaders should be available and visible to employees, recognize employee accomplishments, and encourage them to take on challenges and acquire new skills. In addition, to hold people accountable without being negative, ABC method could be used. In ABC method, the conversation should start with appreciation, and then discuss what is not going well, followed by thoughtful questions and action plan.

Concrete steps I will take to support my growth as a compassionate leader in the next year

As I mentioned before, according to “personal compassion blueprint”, my strengths are to notice suffering and to feel empathy and concern, while my weakness is to generously interpret and act to alleviate suffering. In other words, it is natural for me to notice suffering but I may not think everyone worthy compassion. Moreover, although I could easily take the perspective of the person who is suffering, I may not offer helps (Worline,2017).

I think I should first strengthen my own capacity in interpreting and acting.

To interpret suffering more generously, I have three steps to do. First, I should withhold the assignment of blame when something has gone wrong. Instead, I should draw on curiosity to ask about the causes and address the event directly. Second, I should develop my ability to see others as worthy and deserving of compassion, and practice the positive default assumption that others are good. Third, I should believe in my capacity to meet suffering with compassion anytime it arises.

Moreover, I should take more compassion moves. For example, as a leader, I could arrange flexible time for employees to cope with suffering, and buffer them from task overload. Moreover, I could appoint someone to monitor or regularly check in on the condition of the employ who is suffering. Furthermore, I could generate resources that will alleviate suffering and deign some rituals that convey support. When compassionate habits are nurtured in company, employees would be more likely to express or alleviate suffering.

In the future, I think I should conduct radical candor and have a good growth management for employees. Since the networks, cultures, roles, and routines of the organization may all influence the compassion at work, I think as a leader, I should include the compassion actions in routine behaviors and working procedures.

Reference

Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. Harper Collins: New York, NY.

Rheem, D. (2017). Thrive by Design: The neuroscience that drives high-performance cultures. ForbesBooks: Charleston, South Carolina.

Worline, M.C. & Dutton, J.E. (2017). Awakening compassion at work: The quiet power that elevates people and organizations. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc: Oakland, CA.

Scott, K. (2017). Radical Candor: Be a kick-ass boss without losing your humanity. St. Martin’s Press: New York, NY.